A Message to Headquarters
by Smoking Panda
Summary: A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. But Zim likes the apple blossoms. Mild ZADR.


For the Angerdurrr, who gave me the prompt "apple juice" and ended up with this.

Disclaimer: nuthin's mine. 'cept the story itself.

* * *

My tallest? My tallest! Is this connection stable? Yes? Okay, I shall proceed. 

In my diabolical plight to destroy the planet Earth, I have noticed many anomalies that this horrid place is plagued with. The stupidity of a majority of the human race, the overwhelming and unhealthy attachment to meat, and of course, the unpredictable changes in the weather that so often hinder my progress.

Although the said lack of progress is usually due to the fact that the slightly more intelligent creatures of this planet, namely Dib, are prepared for the detection of my evil schemes, which fuels my rage only further, and the taste of failure evident in my alien mouth!

But forgive me, I babble.

The one characteristic of this planet is the vegetation.

There are enormous varieties of these terrible plants, ranging from giant stalks of brown splintery stuff, and delicate slippery things that remind be vaguely of the material used in your royal tallest garments, if I may add.

* * *

"Zim!" 

Hmmph. Earth-monkey.

"Hey, Zim!" he called out. "Zim! What are you doing!"

He's following me. Should I take evasive action?

"Zim?"

Too late.

* * *

It is the slippery ones that hold my interest. Not only are they of different colors, but they can grow as appendages off anything. It is most fascinating.

* * *

"What do you want, Dib! A declaration of war?" I turn on my heel to face the earth boy, who in fact seems to be miss-using his breathing holes, for it looks like he's about to divulge an organ or two. 

"What?" A look of questioning appears on his face. "Never mind. Why in the world did you uproot a tree during lunch today!"

"I was merely inspecting it's growing pattern. It seems that it's size is indirectly relative to it's rate of growth." I replied easily.

His face twists into an infuriating scowl, and he shouts out, "You're damn right! That tree was old! Been there for ages!"

"So it seems. Very different from from this grass that we stand on now."

"Why," he says now, a grim look on his face, "the sudden interest in plants, Zim?"

* * *

What's even more interesting about these flowers, is that they come in all shapes and sizes. Their colors can range from the brightest orange to the palest pink, also like your garments, my tallest.

* * *

I eye the frown on his pasty skin. 

"I wanted to see if there were any disadvantages to having so much carbon dioxide breathing life forms on this planet. I entertained the thought that I could create more plants than humans to cause you all to become extinct, but unfortunately, I cannot force mass reproduction. That and the plants are weak. They can be crushed by a single human foot, or by an Irkan bulldozer."

"They are useless."

* * *

How do I know about your garments? Well I had a laundry ship redirected to Earth, of course. I wanted to compare your fine garments to these "poly-blends" that are so uncomfortable and very seventy years ago.

* * *

The Dib human seems confused by my words. 

"That's not true at all," he rebuked. "Plants are useful in millions of ways! We can use them in medicines, foods, clothes, and practically everything! People used to give them to each other! People have gardens! Wood is used to build things! And most importantly, we need them to bre-"

"I'll hear no more of your nonsense, Dib!" I cut him off. His babbling was boring and annoying.

"You don't believe me?" he asked, looking incredulous. He glances around at the surroundings of this blatantly normal looking street until his eye happens upon something. His eyes stopped at a tree.

* * *

Yes, yes, my strange behavior is unmatched, but listen! These flowers! They are curious. Very curious. It seems that they are used in elixirs. That is why, in your returning ship, I have sent some samples for you to investigate, to see if there are any specific healing powers hidden in these plants. 

Don't worry, I laundered your dirty linens as well.

* * *

Before I realize what he's doing, he dashes over, and plucks a branch from this tree. Jogging back across the street he holds up the specimen. 

It is a branch indeed, but to my suprise, there are tiny star-shaped formations emerging from the stick. They are a light red, similar to the skin of a pig, and are curiously...nice.

"What..." I breathe out, "are they?"

"Apple blossoms," he says with an air of smugness. A confused look from me and he continues.

"Apple blossoms? From an apple tree?" He gestured across the roadway. "They produce apples? You know, as in apple butter, apple cider, apple pie, apple juice?"

I merely bend closer to inspect the flowers.

He sighs. "You know it's a wonder that you havn't been killed yet."

* * *

It's rather odd, but the humans seems to accosiate meanings from the many different species. They represent certain emotions to the specimen in question, that is, of course, if you understand the hidden and deep language of these plants. I, myself, have not completely deciphered it.

* * *

"See? Flowers have some uses; They're nice to look at." 

I tear my gaze away from the blossoms.

"It seems that there are a limited amount of things on this planet," I say, engaging full eye contact with him, "that are nice to look at."

The Dib holds my gaze for a few moments longer before inspecting the branch again.

"You know, they mean temptation." He says, strangely intense, before handing the flowering branch to me.

I stare for a moment at Dib's strange smile, before tentatively receiving the gift.

Temptation, eh?

* * *

My favorites are the apple blossoms. 

They look quite nice on my base computer.

* * *

End. 

Review, will you?


End file.
